While I did expect to maybe have some rude awakenings and some adjusting to do when the difference between reality and the dream in my head eventually caught up with me, I didn’t really expect the roller coaster of emotions that have been plaguing me the last few days.
Just like anything else you can’t REALLY know what a situation will be like until you are there in the moment. And I do know this….I’ve lived it several times. So yes, I do think that there will be some bumps in the road….some adjustments….some things that I thought I would really like but end up really hating. I’m trying not to be naïve about it – I’m trying to put away my rose colored glasses and look at things realistically. I’m trying to look at the whole adventure as “I can put up with anything if it means I get to be free and travel” and in the end it doesn’t have to be permanent. So I think I’m dealing with that part of it fairly well.
However, like I mentioned above, what I was not expecting was the roller coaster of emotions in the beginning…..before I’ve even begun. Right now during the first rush of adrenaline of getting ready to go on this Grand Adventure as my mom calls it…..I should be excited and maybe just a little naïve about what lies ahead. Instead I’m nervous and a little sad.
I’m sad to see my stuff go, I’m sad that my kids probably think I’m a little koo koo, I’m sad that I won’t have my mom and sister nearby and I’m sad that I won’t have someone to come with me and share the experience. And I’m sad that I worked so hard to get out of my mom’s basement and into this apartment (and as crappy as this apartment is….I love it….it’s mine and it’s comfy cozy) and now less than 10 months later all that work is being taken apart little by little as each piece of furniture gets sold off.
I’m nervous that I’m making a HUGE mistake. I’m nervous that I will so completely ruin my credit score and my resume that I will NEVER be a NORMAL citizen again. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to hack it. I’m nervous that for all my bravado I will fail miserably.
But like I mentioned….this is a roller coaster….with the downs come the ups! I’m excited beyond imagining. This IS a Grand Adventure and I’m going to make it work.
My stuff is just stuff, my mom will come with me for a little while, my sister will be here when I come back many, many times to visit, my kids will grow up to be adults who understand a little more and maybe not judge me so harshly, my van will be all mine and certainly cozy, my credit score was a mess already thanks to the economy and well if my resume is ruined I guess I’ll just have to find other ways to make money (I do have some mad skills LOL).
So with the excited comes the sad…the ying, the yang….the good, the bad…..I might as well ride that roller coaster of life in my van!
You are very brave!…And, you WILL learn many things on your journey! The most important, about yourself! http://www.lonersonwheels.com might be of interest to you. It’s STRICKLY for singles on the road. You have the option of going caravan style to like minded locations. You can do campgrounds or boondocking.
Wish you safety, health, happiness.
Fellow traveler.
Robin thank you soooo much for that link – I am very very interested in possibly joining a local chapter. I may be one of the youngest ones there judging from the pictures LOL, but I think it would be a lot of fun!
You are brave and this is an such a risky thing to do. But nothing worth doing doesn’t have it’s risks. Love yourself through it all. You are opening yourself up to be vulnerable before the universe and I can imagine it will be truly rewarding if you open yourself up to learning from the unique experiences you will encounter along the way. Your outward journey can be a reflection of an inward journey of self discovery and love. I wish you so much joy, Jena.
Thanks Beth – your words mean so much! And I am sooo looking forward to one of my very first trips being to Hawaii to see you and dad!
you are doing what so many people dream of doing but can’t or won’t. i’ve been thinking a lot about you and wondering how you were feeling about everything. i know that i would be feeling those same exact emotions: excited, but also sad and scared, maybe a little lonely. i also love to travel, but am always nervous about doing it alone. Going to the movies alone is one thing, but long term traveling? that is another thing altogether. but, jena, as you know, life is full of regrets and you don’t want this to be another one. no matter how it ends, this is an amazing thing you are doing with limitless opportunities and experiences ahead. it might end in a year, it might NEVER end. time will tell, and either way, you will be glad you did it. following a dream isn’t always easy, but if you are lucky, you get the chance to do it and you persevere.
remember, you will have friends along the way, and you will make friends along the way. definitely make us a stop along the highway, and come and get to know raleigh/durham. 🙂 and check in with friends along the way to see if they know anyone in any of the places you’ll be traveling through. then you won’t really be alone out there, but will have extended family/friends to enjoy some of the places along the way. i know people in cape cod, ma; charleston, sc; fort worth, tx; sacramento, ca; seattle, wa; chicago, il; florida….
we are all out here supporting you! stop and see us along the way!
Bethany thanks so much for all your kind words!!! And I do have you on my list of people to visit for sure!!! 🙂
wow, i said “along the way” A LOT!!!!! LOL. i need to expand my vocabulary. 😉
“NORMAL” is sooo yesterday! Rock on!
EL
I’m learning…..I’m learning! 🙂
Jena
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